Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
