hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
