the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
