Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
