When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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