I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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