so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
