If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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