Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
