Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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