Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
false alarm, still single
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