just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
