how can u be prego again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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