I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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