Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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