I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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