WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
