i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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