I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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