i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
