There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
