I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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