69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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