i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As shirtless as possible
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
