a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
