he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
