I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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