JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
