i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
