My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
