Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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