Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
