I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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