OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dick very happy bro
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
