I was born with a shot glass in my hand
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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