So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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