Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
