the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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