Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
