I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They took my balls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
