She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
