how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
