i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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