I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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