He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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