man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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