i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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