What did we do last night that was yellow?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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