there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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