he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
