I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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