I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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