I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
