im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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