Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I need to stop coming to work sober
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You made out with two different species that night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
