this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
