you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
