We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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