i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
